Not Really Human
by AlwaysDreaming95
Summary: You are a girl who finds her way back to Tokyo after a few years being gone finally giving up running from your past and ready to face it head on. You were never expecting to end up on the path that you end up following from the very second you entered a simple Mask shop in the 4th district.
1. Meetings and Surprising Features

**Ch.1- Meetings and Surprising Features**

It's hard to believe that I've found myself too be in Tokyo 20th ward. Still it's cause I'm running from something… THough I'm not entirely sure what that could be. I look around surprised that I was even able to get here too the 20th ward and I'm completely lost. I keep wandering around until I find myself at a cool looking shop that has a cool lookin sun on the wall.

"ArtMask Studio….Sounds interesting enough," I mutter to myself as I look at a neat doorknocking that looks like a demon.

I knock with it just so I could touch it since I love art enough as it is and I stick my head inside the shop.

"Hello," I call out not seeing anyone except for a sheet covering a stand.

I notice it moving a small bit and hold in a snicker as I walk over and pull it back as I fake call, "Is there a shop owner or worker in?"

I hear a person say almost quietly, "Boo."

I don't stop my hand from hitting him on the forehead lightly, "Ahh, sorry. Though that wasn't very scary."

Moving my hand away from his forehead I notice his black and red eyes the marker of a ghoul and I hold back my scream and excitement.

He looks at me and I notice his nose move as if he's sniffing the air or more so me.

I lean down so we're face to face my nose touching his so I can get a good view of his eyes. He looks a bit shocked from the small movement and depth of them. Still I smile as I stare at him, "Sorry, about that. Though I knew you'd scare me. Are you the shop owner?"

He looks at me confused from the questioning way he moves his head, "Yes, I'm the mask maker Uta."

I smile, "Uta, nice too meet you. My name is Alyssa. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You're a ghoul right."

He nods his head and I nod my back as I move my hand too place a few fingers on my chin as I tilt my head.

"I thought ghould could change their eye color too look more human, but your's are the beautiful shades of black and red."

"They can… I can't," he answers and I notice a somber tone too his voice.

So I simply turn my back from him as I start to look around his shop. I hear his foot steps behind me and I simply ignore it. Still in my head I go over his features again. His hair being the normal Japanese shade of black but 1 side his shaved. He's covered in tattoos, but the 1 that caught my eye is the 1 on his neck that's in Latin written in Greek letters that reads, "I can live neither with you, nor without you." His clothes are stylish though simple enough along with his many peircings. Then his height is normal for a guy along with what seems to be his weight from looking at him.

I find myself at what seems to be a standard old school plague doctors mask.

I study the beak and touch it slightly wondering what exactly kind of mixes they put on it.

"Find something you like?" I hear Uta ask of me.

I don't look back as I nod, "Yes, this mask reminds me of something. When I was a kid my mother would tell me stories of the masks doctors used to wear that would have the beaks. Though I hear there are a few well known ghouls around here that have similar looks. Your work I presume."

He looks at me seeming too size me up, "I forgot to ask," I look at him as I lift an eyebrow and he continues, "What brings you here?"

I chuckle nervously as I answer, "I got lost actually. I was in 20th ward last time I checked now I think I'm quite beyond that. Can you help me find some place where I could meet up with my aunt."

He looks at me and I see a confused look in his red and black eyes, "Why ask me?"

I shrug, "Cause you seem a good enough guy."

He chuckles as he nods his head, "I know a nice cafe. I'll bring you there since I have business too take care of."

I smile at him as I grab my purse I had set down, "Alright, take me too this cafe."

He nods his head as he grabs what seems to be an mannequin head with something on it under a sheet. I smile slightly as I wake my way out of the shop and he follows me dawning on a pair of dark black sunglasses to hide his eyes.

As we make it our way too the cafe I get Uta too talk too me about all kinds of things and it seems we have a lot in common. I smile as we get on the topic of tattoos and I tell him that i have the same words tattooed on my shoulder by my collarbone as he does his neck. I happily pull down my baggy cover up too show him. HE seems too look it over as he smiles, "The writing is damn near perfect."

I smile, "Thanks, it took forever to write this out for the artist."

"YOu did this?" he asks me as I nod.

"Yeah, and I drew out all my other tattoos as well."

He seems to start looking for my said tattoos and smiles as he finds them, "Alyssa, you seem to be full of surprises since you don't look like a girl to be riddled with tattoos and eyes filled with piercings."

I shrug, "Truthfully they started out as retaliation towards my father, but after I got my degree in science I've been running away from him and my past. That's what the sang is for. It's for my family and past. Since I can live neither with or without my family or my past. They will always be there."

He nods his head as we walk into the cafe and I take notice of the looks Uta and I get from the servers. My guess is they're ghouls. Which means this is 1 of the rumored ghoul hangouts that look like it's for humans as well.

I look back at Uta as I smile, "Thanks for bringing me here."

I walk over to a table by a window and sit down noticing a boy with an eye patch I notice how he watches the girl whose face is half covered as I chuckle to myself at it. I let my top sleeve slip down my shoulder too show off my tattoo not entirely caring all too much. I look up as the boy comes over, "How can I help you today?"

I smile as i look up at him, "Hi, I'd like a black coffee and… Do you have a strawberry cake?" He nods his head and I smile as I add, "I'll have one of those as well."

As he walks away the girl with the half face walks over to me and looks at my shoulder, "You have the same tattoo as the guy over there," she says while pointing with her thumb too Uta.

I chuckle as I look up, "I noticed though it's pretty interesting along with his other tattoos as well, Miss…" I look at her nametag and finish, "Touko-chan."

I look around as I take in there I'm the only customer and probably human not that I care. I look up at the ceiling as I wait for my coffee and cake. I take off gloves that I always wear too see the burn scars riddling my hands. The scars the remind me of my mother's death.

"Wow, those look bad," I hear Uta say.

I nod my head as I look down at them, "They are since they haven't even faded in the 12 years that I've had them."

Slowly Uta moves too sit down with me and looks out the window, "How'd you get them?"

"Trying to save my mother. My father is a scientist as well, but he worked for the government, but he became obsessed with the existence of ghouls and caused a bit of unbalance between him and the government. Though there were a few groups of ghouls that knew of him and were not happy with him and his experiments. 1 day a group of ghouls came to our home and demanded too talk too him. My mother was a fool and tried to protect my father. I didn't see anything since I was hidden away in a closed and locked closet. Still they got too arguing and 1 of them pushed my mother into a table that we had candles for her mother burning. It soon caught things on fire and our home started to burn. I found my way from the closet too see her head bleeding and the house on fire. To reach her I grabbed a hold of some fire debris so I could get too her. It was a bit late for that though. A piece of the ceiling fell on my hands and I couldn't move. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital and my mother was dead."

"I'm sorry too hear that," he answers and I can tell even in his monotone voice he really is.

I smile slightly, "Thanks. I'm surprised on our way here you didn't ask why I wasn't scared?"

"I wanted too, but I just didn't know how to ask, but will you answer."

"I don't know why, but I guess it must be genetic cause I'm fascinated by ghouls like my father. Though I'm more interested in finding a food source for them that will work just like human flesh. Though I'm trying to do it all by myself. Though even if I am successful humans won't accept ghouls. They'll still fear them and with the food source I hope too 1 day create it'll make it easier for ghouls to be hunted."

"You are a noble 1," he tells me.

I don't stop myself from laughing, "Yeah, I guess so. Truthfully it's the reason i came too the 20th ward here in Tokyo. I had heard rumors of a group of ghouls that were more in other human terms civilized or vegan in a way. I was hoping I could hide out at my aunts as I try too try tests."

"Yoshimura, can you come over here?" Uta shouts.

AN elderly looking gentlemen walks over to our table, "Yeah, Uta-kun."

"Well Miss. Alyssa, here is a scientist looking for an alternative food supply for ghouls."

"Really?"

I nod my head, "Yes, I think that ghouls who want to stay hidden or even appear more human would appreciate this. Though I'm not sure how I would get it too foul though since it'd be a good way to have them tracked if it even did make it too regular shelves."

Mr. Yoshimura seems to understand the dilemma, "Well most major cities have places like this or so I've heard it could be disturbed through us."

I smile as I nod my head, "That's true."

Soon the door opens and i look up too see my aunt walking through the door, "Itori," I shout as I run over too give her a hug.

"She's your aunt?" Uta asks sounding a bit skeptic.

I nod my head, "Yeah, Itori isn't related to me by blood but she was close enough with my mother and me too be counted as family. Though truthfully Itori was more like a sister to me, but my mother kept saying to call her my aunt and I guess it's just stuck."

"True, until your father ran off with you 12 years ago after your mother died. It was all his fault."

I look away as I nod my head still i tilt it, "Itori, how do you know Uta?"

She looks at me seemly unsure how to answer me, "Uta and I go way back to our childhood days in the 4th ward."

I look at her and poke her face, "Are you," I lean too her ear, "a ghoul?"

She nods her head, "Yeah, I am."

I nod my head as I answer, "Cool."

She smiles as she looks at me smiling, "Your name did part take."

"Yup, I'll always aid those against madness which is why I'm working on my project."

Itori sighs as she looks at Uta, "Can we go to your shop?"

"Yeah, I'll just pay for her coffee and cake."

Yoshimura shakes his head, "No, don't worry about it I'll let this 1 be on the house."

I look back at him, "Thank you, Mr. Yoshimura."

He nods his head as I follow my aunt to Uta's shop.

Still that was a surprise I guess.


	2. I have Secrets as you can See

**Ch.2 - I have Secrets as you can See**

It's still surprising that my aunt is a ghoul and that she had forced Uta too look after me since she's too busy to look after me. It's been over a month since then. Uta and I are happily getting along and with a side job at the cafe I was able to stop using Uta's bed just last week.

I sigh as I roll myself out of the bed and make my way too Uta's shop since I love looking at the masks when I'm stuck. Though I think Uta is catching on. Though I'm not happy about Uta's habit of trying to scare me which works partly as least not when he's not trying to hide in plain sight like when we first met. So when I walk into the shop and call out to him too get no answer I sigh not even bothering getting ready for him trying to scare when he jumps out too scare me I end up hitting his square in the nose without thinking. Still pretty funny.

"What the hell," he says sounding a bit angry.

I shrug as I calm my heart rate, "What did I say about scaring me like that?"

"Next time I'd get hit," he growls out, "I thought you were kidding, Miss. Innocent."

I chuckle at the thought that It really does think of me being innocent and not wanting to hurt people. If only he knew the truth of why I had come here too Tokyo all him and everyone else would hold towards me would be disgusted.

Uta looks at me as he sits down at his work desk, "Alyssa, I have to ask you something?"

I look back at him, "yea, what is it?"

"Don't humans have to eat? Why do you smell like a ghoul and it's not 1 I recognize?"

I stop moving to his desk wondering if my dark secret is out, "I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm human and yes we eat food it's needed. I'm not sure why I'd smell like a ghoul much less 1 you don't know."

I keep calm as i stare over at Uta. Still he's always active kakugan sizing me up and his nose twitch very slightly. I keep a hold of myself making sure nothing slips through.

"If you say so. You'll be back tonight at my place tonight?"

I nod my head, "Yea, I should be back early today. So I'll probably eat then go to bed before you get back."

I don't hear a reply so I look over to again see Uta looking for something in me. I need to talk to aunt Itori about my life before Tokyo.

I sigh as I get a signal that I can leave so I quickly leave the shop before Uta notices something off about me. Theres 2 people I know in my stay here in the 20th ward I need to look out for is Uta and Yoshimura.

I sigh as I make my way to a small special area that Itori had gotten for me while I'm here in Tokyo. I walk into the building and see the mess that's still left from the previous owner. I've only been cleaning the last week since she got it and it's been hectic trying to do that and get equipment for my work.

I sigh when I hear footsteps in the building. I let a knife fall down my sleeve and I see white hair and I hold my breathe.

I let another knife slip into my free hand and hold still waiting for them to turn the corner. When he does I kick a knife from my boots that I designed specially to hold knives that I can kick or stab with.

"Aly-chan, are you trying to kill me?"

I growl out, "Rei, get the hell out of here."

I hear a small almost giggle leave the CCG agents lips, "Why, Aly-chan?"

"Cause this time I won't leave you with any breathe in you."

"Aly-chan, that was a long time ago. I'd win now," he cockily says to me.

I smirk towards him knowing it'd start to drive him towards losing control, "Rei-kun, do you think you'd win? To bad," I throw my hands up a big as I shrug, "I no longer fight for those mad men anymore maybe you could then."

Before more is said is slip over grabbing his suspenders and throw him towards the door, "Rei, get out and stay away from me. If I see you again I'll kill you."

He looks almost sad for a small split second before he disappears. I hear other foot steps and is move to slam them into the wall and place my knife to their neck.

"Alyssa, calm down. It's just me. It's me, Itori."

I take a step a step back as I take deep calming breaths, "Sorry, Itori. The Psycho was here."

She sighs, "you can thank your father for that."

I nod my head as I open the door a bit, "come in, auntie."lo

We enter the building this time I look around and I ask Itori, "Did you get me what I asked for?"

"Yea, why do you need a mask?"

"If I'm gonna be helping ghouls I need to hide who I am. Also you know my other reasons."

Itori sighs, "do you know where your father is now?"

"No, but he's gonna pay for what he did."

Itori and I sit there chatting away as I look at my scarred hands. It's not until Itori says she has to go to her bar that I realize how late it's getting. I still smile looking around the place that's now clean and how we had ordered parts from some colleagues for my equipment that I'll end up building for the next week or more.

Itori looks at me as she smiles, "Be careful, sweetie. Now go back to Uta's apartment and get some sleep. Don't stay here again. Ohh… You ate that lunch I brought for you right?"

I smile at the thought that Itori had brought me a human lunch, but had a special snack for me as she always has since I was a kid. I smile as I open the instant coffee and warm it up in a microwave we found and drop some cubes into it. I smile as I sit down sipping at the coffee as I pick at the simple noriben ( nori dipped in soy sauce covering cooked rice) and a tori (pieces of chicken cooked in sauce served over rice) bentos. I finish half of the 2 of them and without much thought I slide them in 1 container and close it up wondering if Uta even has a fridge… but where would he keep his eyeballs. I laugh at the idea as I exit my lab locking it up wondering when Rei was here earlier if I told him if it was my lab. If I did I might have some issues… Though why was Rei-kun here?

I shake off all the thoughts of Rei as I clear my thoughts and calm myself down as I enter Uta's apartment complex. I smile as I open the door too see Uta isn't here. I walk into what would be the kitchen too see a fridge and sigh in relief. When I open it too see a large jar of eyeballs I try not to laugh at it or even the feeling of nausea. Still I put my left over bento on the top shelf for Uta too see when he gets his late night snack that I ate. Still even Itori noticed that I don't eat very much which makes me worried if she'll notice more about me.

I look around as I walk into his room as I pull out 1 of his plain black t-shirts that I'm gonna borrow since I'm gonna have to do our laundry tomorrow. I take my shirt off following my bra as I hear someone whistle and almost gasp. I slowly turn my head too see Uta staring at my scar ridden back from tests that my madscientist father ran on me.

"What the hell is all that from?" I hear Uta ask with a little bit of worry in his voice.

I don't even pick up his shirt as I cross my arms over my chest covering my breasts with my arms, "These are gifts that my father gave me."

"For what?"

I want too tell him that father didn't only experiment on ghouls, but humans as well. I had recieved worst of any of them, but I can't even word them.

"Uta, don't tell Itori about these," that's right not even my aunt knows of theses tests, "I never told her what had happened after my mother died. My father blamed me for not being strong so he ran experiments on me too make me strong and fast. A human ghoul," I let go of a hysterical laugh, "I'm not even human. I have never been human in my life."

Sorry Uta you only get part of the truth.

"So are you human?"

I look at my uncovered hands as I show that my scars have faded a bit in the last week, "See these, Uta, they're better than last week right. Since I came here and I improved my diet I have started to heal these scars, but the one's from the experiments will never heal. They'll always be reminders of what that man did too me. For these scars will always make me hideous in the eyes of everyone."

I feel a gentle hand slip under my chin, in a non-characteristic moment for Uta, as he makes me look him in the eyes. As I stare into them I notice how in my eyes his eyes fade from his kakugan into a beautiful dark chocolate color brown for irises.

"That's what you think, Alyssa, but in truth these scars barely even mar a percentage of a beauty that I see in front of me. Now get on a shirt we're going to watch a movie to cheer you up."

I chuckle as I nod my head glad my arms kept my breasts covered for the duration of our talk… Wait... did Uta call me beautiful?

I turn around quickly as I grab Uta's shirt from his bed and throw it on pushing my hair back from my eyes for a second.

I race into the living room where Uta has a decent sized tv set up.

"Do you want a movie or a video game?"

"I didn't think you'd have anything like that here, Uta."

"I like to have numb my mind once in awhile from all the drawing I do. Sometimes they help give me ideas."

It's silent for a bit as I notice Uta pull something from the side of the couch covered in a white cloth.

"What's that, Uta?"

"Oh… It's a gift for you. I thought since you liked my work so much you might like one."

I chuckle as I lift the sheet to show the mask that looks like a stitched plague doctor's mask.

"This is beautiful, Uta. I love it,' I tell him as I give him a quick hug in thanks.

"Your welcome. Though was the mask Itori picked out for you."

I look at my hands, "Yes… I asked her if I could have 1 since I want to work with ghouls. Humans will hate the idea so how will they know if I have a mask."

"A very traditional kitsune mask," Uta says.

I chuckle as I nod my head, "Yes, that was my nickname as a child. Kitsune… I was a troublemaker and prankster amongst many things… until mom died."

"I'm sorry to bring up such bad memories."

I shake my head annoyed a bit with how since the worry for my scars his voice or facial expression hasn't changed from how it usually is. I almost want to hit his handsome… Wait no you will not think Aunt Itori's friend is hot.

"Uta, how old are you?"

He simply turns his head at me as he says, "Probably not much older than you."

"You don't even know how old I am."

"Alyssa (L/N), born in United States 22 years ago."

I sigh as I look at him, "Alright. That's no fair I know nothing about you and I'm supposed to live here."

"Oh… How old is your aunt?"

"A lady never talks about another lady's age."

"Sure," he mumbles in his monotone voice.

I shrug that off as I look at my hands, "Uta, do you think that I'm odd for a human?"

I wonder if he's caught more onto my secrets from tonight. The secret that is my very life.


	3. Invasion by CCG

Your POV

I wake up on the couch surprised that I"m in Uta's arms and standing above us is an angry Aunt Itori. Though I don't care this was the best sleep I've had in the last 10 years.

"Uta, what the hell! I told you too look after her mentally and physically, but I swear to god if you pulled anything."

"Aunt Itroi, no worries. We fell asleep watching movies. Man, horror flicks can get pretty boring. I think I got Uta back for a few pranks though."

I hear a murmur as Uta simply shifts in his sleep.

I look at him holding in a laugh as I ask Itori, "What time is it?"

"Well it's right after I closed up the bar."

"Fine, it's a bit after 6 in the morning. We need to go to the lab. Right now."

I don't ask questions or even think of waking Uta up.

Itori says to me, "We're taking the back exit. Also I'd bring that mask over there."

She had pointed to the plague doctor mask that Uta had just given me. I smile at it though I slip into Uta's room where I grab a set of white bandages that he had gotten for me since I asked for them. I smile as I make work with them around my arms and chest. I then slip on a tank top of Uta's. Then I grab a pair of black skinnies that are my only pair of clean pants left. I sigh as I write a note saying I'm off for the day and ask of him to do my laundry, but do not touch the small black bag by the hamper for that's my underwear. I then grab a tight black sweater that I haven't worn since I got here. I pull my hair into my hat but I leave out my bangs and everything. I then slip the mask into a plain very common black bag and smile. I pull on a pair of regular black tennis shoes that I designed a while back.

Walking out of the room Itori looks at me and nods her head, "That looks good enough though won't the bandages stick out. I point towards the bag on my back, "I have extra clothes in here. Well a bra, plain black tank top, and long sleeved v-neck top. Though as I can pass it all off as a fashion statement."

Itori looks at me, "True. Just yesterday I saw about 4 people with bandages wrapped around them like that, but still you have too be careful. If the CCG notice you then you'd be in for some trouble."

"I know, let's just get on with our day. We were in a hurry right. Let's get going."

Itori rolls her eyes as I smile over at her knowing it'll annoy her more than anything. It's just something that I know from what my mother had told me. Though there was always something that my mother was hiding from me though after learning Itori is a ghoul that could probably be the reason. Still even then there is something else that my mother has hidden from me, but it's not something I can put my finger on just yet.

We exit the building through the back we make our way through a few alleyways until we're far enough that we slip on masks.

I shake my head, "No, you are not coming with me, Itori. I have to do this on my own. It's my lab I have to protect it."

Before Itori can say more I kick her as hard as I can in the stomach sending her sliding back and before she can recover I gently as much as I can knock her out.

I nod my head slowly as I slip my mask out of my bag placing it perfectly and securely on my face, keeping the hat on my head. I then slip out a pair of black leather gloves that can be bought anywhere. I slip them on my hands and move them too make sure it doesn't bother my movement at all. I nod in approval as I make my way too my lab to see the Psycho and other CCG agents there.

I stop and think Rei-kun knows my voice even if it's slightly muffled. I open my phone and play with a voice changer and a small microphone to place inside my mask. I test it out quietly until I get my idea to work.

I sigh as I ruffle up my hat as I exit out into the view of the agents and shout, "What are you doing here?"

"We are looking for Dr. (L/N)'s daughter she had come here yesterday, why?" 1 of the CCG guys yell.

I roll my eyes as I pull out a set of knives, "A pretty young girl, right?"

I watch Rei's eyes start to look a bit bigger as I say this, "What did you do too Aly-chan?"

"Aly… I didn't think she said that was her name. She smelled almost like a vodka tonic. Does she drink those?"

Rei-kun yells, "No, she'd never drink such a thing."

I chuckle as I take another step forward, "How would you know, child? Do you know this Aly-chan and I mean really know her?"

I watch as he pulls out his own set of knives and charges at me. I chuckle as I move to the side swiping a blade from his hand, "Now. Now. Weren't you taught not to jump into things?"

He looks at me shocked that I was able to grab the blade, but little does he know that I can easily kill him. We were both trained by the same people except I went through special 'treatments' and didn't lose my mind from some things that we had gone through.

The true monsters are not always born the way they are, but made by our fellow men/ghoul.

Juuzou Suzuya is a boy that I knew as a child that was part of the research lab my father was in working for the government and the CCG. He was brought in for a check up here and there after he was saved by the CCG. We did some mental check ups and physical ones. Yet they never knew until it started truly showing that Suzuya had some issues. Big Madam was not a ghoul to trifle with and there are many issues caused by her for Suzuya. The few times my father and I had visited here in Tokyo too the CCG headquarters. I sigh at the memories that are all messed up in my head causing me to try and think of just who Juuzou Suzuya is.

As he keeps realizing that his strikes are being blocked by me he keeps getting angrier and angrier. It's almost a perfect look for the kid who is a pure psycho from what his 'mistress' had put him through. Though when we met he had helped me with my self taught ways of fighting. He grew angry as I became stronger than him. I had become the only person who could rival his own insanity with the powers of blades. My aim and my strike always stronger and better.

"Suzuya, stop your actions this very second, you should know better by now."

I chuckle as I kick him backwards and do a flip as well. I maybe a master in a few fighting styles, but like Suzuya we are better at just plain crazy. Just like what I went through with my father and him experimenting on me. When that was found out by the CCG they started to hunt him down and soon he was forced into hiding taking me with him.

The agent that seems to be in charge calls out to me and says, "If you will come back over here Suzuya. We have better things to do then this."

I look at Suzuya, "You should listen to him. Though I also think they are scared of me who can match your skills."

Before more can be said the man calls out towards me, "If you may can I ask what you are doing in your lab? It almost seems you are trying to find a way to make ghouls human or too make them synthetic food for they don't have to eat human."

"That's why I'm a Mad Scientist or they just call me The Doctor."

"The Doctor. This lab is not in the proper guidelines with the CCG."

I laugh, "Why should it matter it's not like you'll get my research since I carry it with me at all times? Am I testing on humans? No, well I think that's your jobs to experiment on your own kind along with my kind. We are what we are. There are many of us that are good and few are bad, but humans have a larger number of the worse lot. Is it wrong for a doctor to try and find ways to treat their patients the best way that I can. Unless you want them to be eating your precious humans."

I'm given a stink eye and I watch as they stare at me and I can't help myself, "So are you going to kill me or let me get back to my work?"

This seems to help them make up their mind as Suzuya is signaled to attack me.

I sigh as I grab his hands twisting them for he drops his knife and throw him towards his comrades.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You are attacking me when I have done nothing, but to try to help ghouls not attack your kind. You're kind is a walking contradiction."

"What has shown us that you haven't attacked any humans?"

"Does my lab show it? My mask is not a material that can wipe off blood. My lab shows that I wish for a different future for ghouls something you CCG agents will never understand. This Dr. (L/N) is a man that can never be understood. He had tortured his very own daughter. Is it not understood why she would be seen around these parts? I hear she has a nice amount of pretty scars all over her body it's something to be hidden."

They seem silent.

I add this part too piss Suzuya off, "She heard that I could help her with what her father had done to her. Though nothing can ever be undone from her. She is trapped the way her father had made her after her mother had died. She is a doomed child. Her father had done things that no one should ever go through. Did you know that man had cut her open a few times while she was still alive and awake and with no anesthetic?"

The older gentlemen in control drops his case and he orders everyone to do the same.

"Please, The Doctor let's have a seat and talk over what Dr. (L/N) had done too his daughter."

I nod still keeping the blades in my hands and as I get closer I recognize the man as someone who had helped look after my mother and me back long ago it seems to be.

As we take our seats we talk for a while and we seem to come to an understanding though they want to check up on my research.

"No!" I shout, "You can not do check ups. My research is not too be disturbed and not by the CCG. The ghouls will not trust me if they see you even here like now. I will find a new lab now and I hope that I will never see any of you again until there is peace between ghouls and humans. Then I also hope that the CCG will not be needed unless they allow ghouls and humans alike to work together to keep both human and ghouls in their right place."

Before more can be said I go to a desk and grab a binder with years of research that my father had done on ghouls and the experiments that he ran for the CCG. Glad that I had taken his private notes on his experiments on me out the second I had found this binder here.

"This lab was previously owned by the said doctor. You'll find pages of illegal and inhuman things that he did too both human and ghouls alike." I only hand him the human testings he did on me when my mother was alive, "This he did to see his child. I only found pages of when she was 5 too when she was about 10 years old. I hope you understand that the CCG is as crooked and evil as they claim that ghouls are. Now I have my research and you can't have any of that."

I walk over and grab my files of the small amount that I've left here in the lab. I grab 1 of the agents weapons and destroy all the boards with my work on it. then I toss it on the ground. I quickly toss it too the ground then jump into the beams of the building. I quickly make my way out of the building and into Uta's apartment without anyone seeing me.

I quickly slide down the wall as I look at the filing cabinet where I have been keeping my work along with the work that my father had done to me. I slide my paperwork into the top drawer. Then with shaking hands I open the bottom drawer and pull my father's journals from the back. I look around as I go to the work desk that Uta has kept in his apartment and lay out the journals. I pull out a binder and a set of highlighters and pencils. I take a deep breath as I open the 1st of his journals on his experiments that he had done to me.

On the cover of the journal is a dvd and I let the tears roll down my face as I place it inside my already open laptop. I look around too make sure Uta isn't in the room as I slip on headphones and watch my father cut me open like a drug mule his drugs taken out of him.

Uta's POV

I had come back too the apartment too get a small jar of eyeballs when I see Alyssa focused on her computer screen crying.

I fight back the curiosity to walk behind her and make my way back to my store.

I'll just have to ask her when I come back in a few hours.


	4. Pain of The Past

**_Ch.4- Pain of My Past_**

Italics are Flashbacks/Memories

* * *

Your POV

Watching over 5 hours of my father basically torturing me when I was only 5 the first set ended when I was 6 years old.

I stop the videos as I take in deep breath trying not to hyperventilate as I notice Uta walking into the apartment. I look at the time to see that it's 11.

"Welcome home, Uta," I call over to him and he looks over at me.

I watch as Uta's face goes from stotic to showing me a small barely visible smile. I've noticed over time as Uta warmed up too me a bit I could see flashes of emotions that no one else ever seemed to notice. It's hard to tell since he rarely smiles, but when it shows in more than his eyes it's really nice.

Still I hate his observing skills since he always seems to notice something.

"Ayassa, is there something wrong?"

I shake my head and try to smile, "No, its nothing just trying to find a new lab that's all."

"I heard the CCG had busted into your lab and a mysterious ghoul showed up. No one has seen that person before, but they took on that sewed up psycho."

I don't say anything except nod my head not wanting too hint onto anything.

"Yea, I had gotten there shortly after everyone left."

"I heard they had a mask a lot like the 1 I gave you last night."

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know what your talking about."

I turn away from him towards the small window that's by me. I look outside wondering how my life has been screwed time and time again.

"Alyssa, I know it was you. I saw how you were dressed when you left. Some ghouls in the area took pictures and sent them around. I just want ot know how did you do that and make the CCG go away without killing them?"

I shrug my shoulders, "I've learned to talk my way out of things since the first experiment my father had done. It's because of him I can't show my arms or any part of my body. I'm wrapped up in bandages when I want to wear tank tops or shorts. I wear gloves all the time do you think it's fun. I'm disgusting. I'm not beautiful. I'm a grotesque beast that's in a form of a girl. I'm not human. I'm not ghoul. I'm not anything of the sort."

I watch as his grow sad and beautiful brown eyes flash and I feel like it's a fluke that his eyes are always in kakugan. I don't say anything cause the scientist in me wants to study this more.

I watch as Uta opens his fridge and says, "Hey, do you know where my small jar of eyeballs had gone?"

I watch his reaction as I shrug my shoulders and answer quietly, "I'm not sure."

I keep looking out the window glaring at my scarred hands.

Why couldn't I be blind?

Why could I just have died with mom?

I feel someone take my hands and kiss them gently. I stare as Uta kisses my fingers and then my palms.

"I'm glad you're here with me, Alyssa. I don't know why, but I feel more controlled since you showed up here. I want to help you get over this idea that you are grotesque creature. You are simply a butterfly that has yet to hatch."

I smile gently as I let him sit there in front of my chair holding my hand.

"Uta, you have no idea how much those words affect me do you? You shouldn't say that cause I might fall in love with you."

He looks up at me and I see a hint of full blown truth in his next words, "I'd be okay with that cause I feel like I'm happily falling in love with you."

"I'm scared beyond belief both physically and mentally. Could you deal with that?"

He nods his head as he sets it in my lap. I set my hand gently in his hair and stroke it.

"I love every part of you. You say my reaction with your scars. I'm mad at your father for causing them, but I could never think of them being ugly since they are on such a beautiful soul."

I laugh at how uncharacteristic Uta is acting. He smile at my laughter and squeezes my hand. Though the pressure on my hand cause me too have a small flashback of when I was a child.

_I was about 7 at the time and I had been led to my father's lab. I decided to go with him since he said it would be the last time._

_I went along with it knowing the pain would be worse if I didn't listen to him._

_Father, doesn't think I'm his daughter? I think he's just stupid and I'm lucky to even be alive._

_Still when we reach the basement where his experiments were conducted I see a small ghoul boy, that was the same age as me, chained to one of the walls._

_I ran over to him, "Are you okay?"_

_I feel a kick in my stomach that sends me across the room, "Stupid girl did you have permission to touch the subject?"_

_I glared at him knowing that my 7 year old self couldn't do anything. I know that because of this father's tests will go on much longer._

_I look at the boy seeing his eyes are in kakugan and I was a bit scared, but I still remember being locked in the room with the said boy._

_I remember pulling my body over to him hoping that he'd be hungry enough to eat me and end my suffering._

_The boy didn't instead he took my hand in his own, "Are you okay?"_

_He asked me and I chuckle as I shake my head and whisper, "Why couldn't he be a murderous person like father?"_

_I feel him squeeze my hand to comfort me._

_I remember when i gained strength I opened a small exit that I found one and unchained the boy._

_I had pushed him through before my father showed himself again to do anything else too the boy._

_My father is too blame for the boys kakugan never fading away. The poor thing will never be a normal ghoul or even pass as a human to be able to live in the human world._

I look at Uta and can't help but to ask him, "When you were young did you ever get kidnapped for a few days?"

He looks at me shocked and I notice something flash in his eyes covering up the memory.

I squeeze his hand as I say, "I had met a boy back when I was about 7. My father had locked me in a room together with him for a few days. I remember his warm touch on my hand as he comforted me after my father had beaten me severely. I also remember cause of him his kakugan never faded. He had done something hoping he could introduce something too the public to reveal ghouls. I had hidden his research and let the by escape. The beating i had received I almost died. Yet the bastard wouldn't let me. I couldn't end the suffering cause of those actions the 'tests' lasted for 3 more years. Still I was glad I saved the boy for he was 1 of the first people to show my kindness not even Rei-chan could do so."

Uta looks me over and asks, "Had he kicked you across the room into a corner of the walls?"

I nod my head as I look at him, "Uta, are you really him? The kind ghoul boy who gave me a reason to live on."

I can't help the tears that form in my eyes are I stare at him.

I smile as I move forward catching his lips with my own. He doesn't push me away but he doesn't move.

"I'm not sure why I said that. I don't remember anything like that, but for some reason i answered like that."

I nod my head as I hug Uta, "There's no worry, Uta. You don't need to remember, but you had the kindest experiment that father had ever done.

I look down as I smile at him and he smiles back, "Alright, I won't think of it."

I nod my head and try to remember where I had placed the file on Uta. Maybe I can help him. Maybe I can reverse whatever father did to him.

I think I need to start working on that since I'm stumped on the situation with finding another food source for ghouls. Maybe in doing this I can fix my problem. Two birds 1 stone.

"Sorry Uta, but I'm stealing the desk for the night for work so you can't work on anything tonight and maybe until I find a lab."

He frowns as he nods his head and plops down on his desk. I watch as he does so and open up the laptop going through all my files glad that I started scanning and downloading all my father's files on the computer so I just have them password protected and encrypt the shit out of everything.

I go through them until I find one that says kakugan research. I look at Uta as I decrypt all my work too open the file. I flips through the folder as I scan through it I find 1 that I wrote done the date. For some reason i have to stop at that small folder. I easily open it and open up the research notes ignoring the video file. As I scan over the notes I groan at the complex formula that he had used too make the small concoction that he had given too Uta.

I read everything and realize that it's all up to the patient for it too resolve itself.

I look back at Uta and sigh, 'He's proud to be a ghoul. Why would he have any intrest in me really?'

I look over at him and notice that he's watching me with a more serious look.

"What is it, Uta?"

"I was wondering what you'd like to eat."

I know that I can't lie to him about already eating since he would have been able to smell it.

"Chinese sounds good."

He nods his head and orders the food. We're silent until it arrives. THe entire time Uta held me in his arms on the couch where I happily stayed. Wondering if this means anything to, Uta.

As we eat Uta watches me and I chuckle as he adds eyeballs and whatnot too whatever he ordered.

I can't help myself as I look over at Uta, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, if I can ask one back."

I nod my head as I ask him, "What do I mean too you, Uta? Am I a friend's niece or am I something more?"

I watch a small smile appears on his face with a softness appears in his eyes, "I find you beautiful and attractive in many ways. I was going too wait too ask you out until I spoke too Itori."

I smile as I look at him from the curtain of my hair, "Does that mean that you like me?"

He nods his head as Uta decides to ask me a question, "How did you fight well enough to go against that psycho?"

I look at my hands on the desk glaring at the scars, "Like me he's scarred deeply mentally because of a ghoul named Madam. I was visiting a CCG center with my father when I met him. I was being trained by the CCG and I had a habit of picking fights with fighters in the streets at the age of 12. So when I met him we trained together. We were salvation I guess, but then I realized that Rei-chan's hatred towards ghouls was too deep too try to heal. I hold no resentment towards ghouls even when I've been tortured or when a group of them killed my mother and tried to kill me."

I guess we all have pains in our past that we'd much rather forget. Too wipe your slate clean for we can live regular lives… Too bad the past has a nice way of coming back to bite us in the ass.

Too bad I didn't know how right I was. That the past will always bite us. I was never prepared for my true self to be revealed to everyone.


	5. Hurting

**Hurting**

* * *

Your POV

I sigh as I sit up in my chair at Uta's esk that I've claimed as my own. Right now I'm simply looking over old formulas and hypothesis' on how to reverse what was done too Uta and what was done to me.

"What's wrong?" I hear Uta say in my ear as he wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"Nothing, it's just the old man was more crazy than I thought he was."

"Everything that he has done it's impossible to reverse it. Though I'm not one to give up. I know I can do everything that's on my list of things to do in my life." Uta is about to look at it and I quickly cover, "It's nothing for you too worry about. It's more so a surprise of life."

He looks upset with me, but he doesn't say anything instead he simply looks at me with sad eyes.

I don't say anything as I slip the papers into the desk drawer that I had modified so I can lock it.

He looks at it and frowns, "What don't trust me?"

I shake my head, "No, that's not it. These are just files that are on me. There's some things I'm not ready for other people too see even by accident."

"What do you mean?"

I keep silent as I look away from him, "It's something you shouldn't bother thinking about. It's far in the past, but still gives me horrible dreams."

He looks at me all confused, but he doesn't ask any questions. Though I'm pretty sure he remembers when I first moved in here I'd wake up once in awhile screaming about how painful it was. HE didn't know what I was dreaming of, but after I said mostly the truth he didn't ask me again. No one truly knows what went on in my father's lab, what was done for all those years except what I've told people.

Uta sighs as he looks at me dropping some food down on the desk, "Here's your food."

Before I can say anything else Uta walks off to his room though he won't stay there since he has me use it almost all the time.

I watch as he leaves the room, but I look down before I can see what exactly he's doing.

"I'll be back later," he shouts as I hear the door slammed shut.

I feel a tear fall from my eye and I quickly wipe it away.

I put my head in my hands, "How can this be? I should just tell him the truth."

I take a deep breathe as I look at the food in distaste. Though it looks delicious I have no urge whatsoever to even try to eat it. I feel hungry for something entirely different.

I look at the food once again placed in front of me and pick up a fork after opening the top and picking apart.

I sigh as I lean back in the chair, "Fuck it. I'm going to take a stupid shower."

I push myself back and look at the computer.

I lock it up and mumble, "It's not that I don't trust him. It's just someone has been trying to get my research for a long time."

I look at all the paperwork and sigh as I leave the papers on the test that my father had done to Uta.

I quickly stand up as I walk too the bathroom. I turn away from the mirror as I start to strip off my clothing.

I hear the pounding at the door so I quickly pull up a tube dress towel whatever you want to call it and don't even bother with the towel.

I walk to the door as I'm dressed, but not before I grab a specially made knife.

I shout, "What do you want?"

"Just open the door we need your help?"

I take a deep breath in as I smell only blood… Uta's blood.

I quickly open the door not caring that they can see my scars.

"Itori, what happened?"

"That stitched up freak attacked us. Screaming at me about you. How would he know I'm your 'aunt?'"

"I had a picture of you back in the day. I think it had your name on it. It was you, mom, and me I think in it."

"Well if it wasn't for Uta I would have died. Though I think he might suspect something of us."

I run over to the table that's big enough to fit Uta mostly on it.

We grab chairs too keep his body level.

I grab a kit as I look Uta over, "How the hell did he get pierced? I thought he couldn't be hurt like this."

I stop to think for a second as I shake my head, "The weapon dad was designing back in the day. I thought I destroyed all of them, but they must have found 1 in the old lab. Fuck, that old man is a tricky bastard. He knew that they'd find it. I bet they tore that place apart."

I run over to the table pulling open the bigger drawers. I pull out a vial from the drawer. As I make it too them I tell Itori too open Uta's mouth.

"Why?"

"Just do it," she does what she's told.

I open the vial placing it at Uta's mouth pouring it in. I message his throat making him swallow everything. I sigh in relief as I watch his wounds heal quickly without leaving a mark.

"Alright now that's done. I'm going to take a quick shower before he wakes up too see me like this."

I hear Itori gasp as she sees my back, "Alyssa."

"The few years that I had of pure torture happened shortly after mom died. I was ferociously experimented on and I'm surprised that I"m still alive.I should be dead with what was done, but here I am standing on my own two feet."

"That's always good, but they look alot like places were kagune are located."

I keep silent about the part on the whole kagune she said, "All I know is that I have a huge scars all over my back and the rest of my upper body and so on."

"True… What did you feed him?"

"A potion that I made too use to put RC cells into healing overdrive. His RC cells will be a bit over productive for a small bit, but should be normal in a few hours."

"Alright. Is it alright if I leave him here with you then?"

"Yeah, feel free to."

"Alright, I'll check in on you tomorrow."

I don't say anything else as I jump into the shower cleaning up and clearing my thoughts.

I sigh as I walk out of the room luckily fully dressed too face a brown eyed Uta.

"Uta," I whisper.

I watch something flash in his eyes as they go back to the kakugan as he grabs my throat and slams me into the wall.

I gasp out, "Uta, let go. Please let me go."

He moves his head towards the juncture of my neck, "Something is different. I'm so hungry."

"Uta, it's your RC cells. They're into overdrive. Your cells are what's hungry. Please Uta let me go. Please," I cry and plead to him.

Hia mouth moves around and I feel his lips move up my neck. I feel something there, but I have no idea what he's doing.

"Uta, let go of my throat. Please let me go."

He lets it go, but I'm still trapped between the wall and his body.

I feel everything going dark still and I feel a large amount of fear, "Uta, move please. I'm so scared. Please move away from me."

Uta jumps away from me looking confused, "Alyssa… what happened?"

I cough a bit as I slide down the wall knowing that this will hurt later, but that's all there is.

I start crying even more as I try to speak, but I realize that it's gone.

I sigh as I think, 'I'm so tired. I think I'll sleep this one off.'

Uta's POV

"Alyssa! Alyssa, come on wake up."

I watch her move her head to show me a nice looking bruises around her neck, but they disappear in a few seconds.

"What the fuck?"

I pick her up and carry her too the bed placing her on it

Seeing her scars are hurtful seeing them. Thou how does she have scars when she just healed like a ghoul.

I leave the room and wandered over to my desk that is now practically owned by Alyssa.

She left one of the drawers open that's filled with vials. None are labeled so how does she know what's what

Something smells off about these. They smell a bit like human flesh… like what we ghouls eat. Is this what she's working on. Though there's more things in here that are labeled RC healing cells.

Under the vials there seems to be files.

I can't help, but to take one of the files too see it has Alyssa's name on it.

I hear something in my room telling me that she's woken up so I quickly hide the file away not in the drawer.

"Uta, how are you feeling?"

I walk over to her placing a hand on her cheek, "I could be better. I hurt you. I know that much. I saw the bruises, but I also saw them heal. They disappeared."

"Something that father had done."

"Healing of a ghoul…?"

"Something like that," she mumbles as she looks away.

"What aren't you telling me? Tell me…. please."

"I can't," she starts crying, "I can't. I can't tell you, cause then you'll hate me."

Before I can say more she walks back into what was my room and closed the door for I can tell she locked it.

Man it smells like another ghoul in here and it can't be Alyssa she loves about every food… most days.

What the hell is going on?


	6. Blast from the Past

**Blast from the Past**

* * *

Your POV

In the morning when I wake up I find that Uta had already left way too early, but I'm not going to fight with him cause I know better than to do so.

I might be strong, but so is he.

I look around feeling a wave of depression hit me.

I sigh as I sit down at the desk looking at the window when I see a flash of silver.

I take a deep breath as I look away from the window trying to stay calm.

That he couldn't have possibly followed me all the way here… could he?

I pull out my phone and look to find aunt Itori. I call her now looking away from the window hoping my covered up form will be ignored if it's really him.

"Come on answer," I whisper close to tears from fear.

There's only one person that can scare me like this and that monster is it. Though he's like that cause of what I did too him a long while ago.

I freeze when i hear scraping on the window behind me. I hold my breathe and hold back my fears knowing that Christopher had gone crazy for what I'd done to him as a revenge towards his family.

"Come on, my pretty. I know that you can hear this. Alyssa, I'm here for you."

There's no control over these tears that I let fall from from my eyes.

I hear my phone ring and I slowly answer it as I brought it to my ear, "Hello."

"Hey, Tori said you called her and she heard sniffling, what's wrong?"

I hold back my tears and fear as I say, "I'm sorry Uta… I can't say. I'll deal with it."

I hear the window break behind me and an arm wrap around my shoulders, "So you're going to acknowledge me for once in these last 4 years."

I sigh as I rip his arm off my shoulder as I growl dropping my phone on my desk, "Acknowledge you. You're kidding me right? You're nothing but a murder that needs to be put into the ground."

He laughs as he pulls me against him, "You didn't have a problem with that a while back."

I groan as I rip his arms off me, stand up, and face him, "That was before I found out you were related to those murdering scum."

"They were pissed off about what happened between your father and mother. She was one of us we didn't want to kill her."

I scuff as I look at him, "If I remember correctly my mother wasn't one of you. Since they threatened Itori too stay away from my mother many times. My mother was like a mother to her and too the others. They ruined that."

"Cause of your father, "He was taking the kids and experimenting on them. There are man that we don't know about."

I laugh as I look at him, "That's not entirely true. Your brother knew everything. He was the one that was handing them over to my father."

I ignore the feeling of his arms wrap around my waist since they do nothing but disgust me now. Especially after I felt Uta's arms wrap around my waist a few times.

"Christopher there's nothing between us. Now stop your fucking obsession with me and leave."

"Why should I? You enjoy having this blast from the past."

I groan as I grab one of his hands from my waist and twist it enough that it's about to break but now fully break it just yet.

"Listen here, scum, you have nothing to deal with my life anymore. You're nothing, but a mistake I made in a moment of passion and then in anger."

"You enjoyed both. You killed all the man that had to deal with your mother's death. They all died slowly and painfully didn't you and you enjoyed every ounce of their pain."

I smile as I break his wrist knowing that he can't heal very well anymore thanks too a little payback and father's old research that I found.

"You bitch, "You know you enjoyed that pain. You always been a masochist at heart.. " as I say this I move my free hand to his face before I grab his nose and use too too bring his face too mine.

"Let me go. I didn't come here too cause trouble."

I look at the window, "Are you sure, because that's not what my apartment window says. This isn't even my place. So thanks now I have to explain it too the peacekeeper."

I watch Christopher freeze as I say that, but he still gains enough courage or stupidity to say, "So you're fucking the peacekeeper of these parts. Must be fun having that kind of fun with a real ghoul."

I laugh as I give him a pure smirk that he can't tell if I'm telling the truth or not, "Oh yeah, I so love having that kind of fun since you never got that far did you."

I kick Christopher between his legs and when he grabs himself I grab his head and slam it into the corner of the desk careful not to break it.

"Oopps. Did I just do that? You should know better than annoy me, Christopher. Unless you truly want to die and not for a few seconds."

"What the hell is going on here?" I hear Uta's voice shout.

"Crap," I mumble as I look to see an unconscious ghoul at my feet. I sigh as I sit down, "Sorry, Uta. This lovely freak followed me here. I thought I got rid of him back in London. I guess I was wrong."

"Alyssa, explain what the hell happened?"

I look around too see a small amount of rope that I know Uta was using twine or whatever for one of his masks, "I'll explain after this jerk is tied up."

Once Christopher is tied up I sigh as I look Uta, "I'm sorry. I guess someone from my past found me."

"Who is he?"

"An ex, but after I found out who his family was I killed whoever was involved in my mother's death. I killed them all painfully and slowly since I remembered what father had done to some ghouls. I tortured them… Uta. I did some horrible things to them. I let his blood awaken."

I hear a voice say, "It wasn't his blood. It was the ghoul blood that's in your system."

I look down to see Chris is still knocked out so I turn around and fall over when I see him.

"I'm not a ghoul," I shout at him.

"That maybe so, but what your father did was make you a human version of a ghoul. You just don't need the human flesh."

I look at my hands and look at the vile mask of the man that is known as the Librarian.

"Librarian, please have a seat. We don't have important people like you here enough," I say with my head facing down.

"Thank you. I hear that you told CCG agents that you're a ghoul… what did you tell them your name was… Ahhh… Doctor. I like that. You are very well known for your skills in healing and killing from the knowledge you that you known of both human and ghouls bodies and systems."

I smile as I sit down at the table with Uta and Librarian.

"So tell me Peacekeeper, what do you think of young Alyssa?"

"She's a smart and caring girl."

"That is true, but she also has a horrible attitude problem."

"That I know sir… Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Alyssa, what had her father done to her."

"Well you know that she was used to compare a human's body against a ghoul's, but after her mother died he became obsessed with finding a way for humans to fight ghouls better. To create a perfect CCG Agent. He believed the only way to do so was to make a human ghoul. The CCG wouldn't finance his work so he decided that he'd use his very own daughter. He believed there was a way to rid the world of ghouls by using human ghouls. No one truly knew that he was successful, but before he could announce it his daughter had grown tired of the torture and decided to rid herself of him."

"I didn't' kill him," I answer, "I was 13 when I ran away from home. I was smart enough to live on my own until I was able to become an emancipated teen in the States. When I turned 18 I traveled the world as I worked on my degree. I decided to make it back to Tokyo after remembering Itori. Now here I am."

"I heard him say on the phone that your mother was one of them… What did he mean? Was she really a ghoul?"

I look at the Librarian and he seems too see something, "That I do not know truly. She appeared out of nowhere about 28 years ago. She was a young teenager at the time. She lived in the fourth district, but no ghoul ever tried to mess with her. She was loved by the children especially you Uta, but when she met Alyssa's father she slowly went from vibrant and happy too a woman slowly dying. When Alyssa was born her mother lived up for a small while, but she suspected something was wrong when her daughter couldn't look at her father. Her mother was one of the kindest humans I knew, but I believe the ghouls that killed her were hired by Alyssa's father."

I shoot up from my slouching position and look at him, "What do you mean?"

"It was believed the oldest boy of the family was supplying your father with young ghouls. Ghouls that your mother tried to help and she had called a meeting with higher up ghouls that like her to tell us something the day before she died. She made a meeting for that day, but then we heard of the fire. My question is if they were living around CCG Agents then how did they now notice anything? I think they meant to kill your mother and thought to give you a reason to fight ghouls. Their plan backfired didn't it. You are trying your hardest to help save ghouls from a horrible fate."

I nod my head, "Yes… I believe that ghouls and humans and live in harmony. Sure there might be deaths, but that will never leave the world's eye sight. The world is filled with humans and ghouls that kill and shouldn't exist, but there's truly nothing you can do about it. So you believe my old man killed my mother?"

"Yes, your mother was loved by both human and ghouls. No one knew why, but they loved her. It's even said that she had a ghoul lover for a while."

"What? Mom and a ghoul… That's actually not that hard not to see. There was a guy the used too show up at the house once and a while before we moved too the house mom died was a few days after we moved there that mom died."

"Truth be told… Alyssa, you have an older brother that she had when she showed up here. They think that he's a ghoul. Though no one knows if what's said is true so whether he's a half ghoul, ghoul, or human we have no idea. We only know that his name is Yamo.

"Yamo… I know too many of those… but how did you know his name?"

"Your mother told me shortly after she gave birth. She told me to take him and hide him. That he should be hidden from your father. That if he met your brother than the truth of her family would be easy to figure out. A few years later you were born and she had no idea of what she would be able to do."

"Did you know what my brother… is?"

"Truthfully I think he was ghoul."

"You think. The Librarian doesn't know for sure… Wow, what a surprise… Though if my brother was ghoul wouldn't that make me a half ghoul... "

"That's true, but you ver much are not that are you?"

I look at him a bit giving him a look taking a deep breathe as I shake my head.

"See, Now Uta. Can you leave the room so I can talk too Miss. Alyssa in private?"

"Sure."


	7. Talks and Bad Dreams

**Talks and Bad Dreams**

* * *

Your POV

I watch Uta leave the room and look at the old man as he takes off his mask.

I see his old aging face as he looks me right in the eye, "Alyssa, you need too be careful. There are a lot of people looking for you."

"There always is," I tell him, "You know who my father is."

"Yeah, I do know who he is, but that's not what's worrying me. What worries me is the girl that I helped raise when she ran away from him doesn't realize how much people hate her as well."

"I know people hate me especially after what I did too that family of ghouls I'd understand why, but I'm not that girl I was 4 years ago. I killed almost all of them slowly and painfully cause of what they did too my mother, but I don't feel guilty about it… not really they had what's coming to them one way or another."

"That maybe true, but realize that your father was a decent child…. until he watch ghouls tear his parents apart bit by bit. This shortly happened after he met your mother, but he tried not to get that in his way with her love for the ghoul kids. Yet after they married he turned into a changed man."

Uta's POV

I had left the room and sat outside until I hear something hit a table.

I peek through the door to see Alyssa with her hands on the dining table looking down but I see a pensive pained look covering her face.

"You can't do that too me!" she yells at the top of her lungs.

I look at the older gentlemen that she's talking to and he's holding the Librarian's mask.

So that's what he truly looks like. He kind of reminds me of Alyssa's mother from all the pictures.

I stop going off when I hear him say, "They deserve to know the truth. The truth about you. About your birth."

"Shut up!" again she slams her hands on the table, "I don't care. I can't. I can't tell them. I simply can't I'll be looked at differently by everyone. I can't have that."

"You wouldn't care. What are you most scared of humans, ghouls, Itori, or Uta finding out?"

I watch as she stiffens a small bit when my name is spoken and the man chuckles, "I know you care for him, but you should stay away especially if you end up losing yourself again."

"That didn't happen when Uta's RC cells went haywire."

"You were lucky my dear. What if it doesn't stop? What if you lose yourself completely and do something worse than what you did too that family?"

"Librarian… look i know what you mean, but I'm too scared too. I can't tell them the truth. My lies are all that keep me sane. They help me forget what really happened there. Even though he fucking recorded everything he had done."

I watch the old man snap his head up, "He had what! I'm going to find him and… and…"

"Stop," she says softly as she shakes her head, "don't do that. You haven't killed in years. You don't need that fresh blood on your hands. Does Yoshimura know that you're back in Tokyo?"

"Nope, and I'd like to keep it that way."

I watch her shrug, "Hey, I can say much about family since mine is all kinds of messed up."

I watch the old man slip his mask on and pick up the ghoul Alyssa knocked out.

"You're going to take him?"

"Yes, just for he doesn't cause issues."

I sigh as I silent shut the door and head to my shop. As I enter it I see Itori who looks like she's about too go ape shit crazy in here.

"Don't worry Itori nothing bad happened. Just her freaking out after a dream."

Should I be lying about this? Since when did I lie to people like this?

"Oh.. that's good. I should go up too check on her should I?"

In my head I'm shaking it shouting at her not too, but on the outside I shake my head, "Don't worry about it. She had broken a window. So I need to get it fixed. Can you hand me the notebook marked numbers from my desk?"

This is going to be a long day isn't it.

Your POV

I sigh as I clean up the glass after Librarian left.

He's right though… Who am I more scared of finding out the truth?

The glass is all cleaned up and I look around too see if there's anything I can use to cover the window since it's supposed to rain.

Damn that Christopher he knows how to wimmy a window open so why the fuck did he have to break it… Unless he knew of Uta and he was jealous.

Yeah right. Sure Uta and I had talked out our feelings, but that's about it.

When Uta walks back into the apartment I have the window covered with a taped up trashbag.

"Well that works for now."

I nod my head as I don't look his way.

"Hey, Alyssa is something wrong?"

I shake my head knowing he sees it and knowing him a bit he'll walk over too me too give me a sniff too see if I'm telling the truth.

It surprises me instead I feel his arms wrapped around my shoulders, "Alyssa, if something's wrong you know that you can tell me."

"It's nothing, Uta, don't worry about it. I think I'm going to head to bed now it's getting late and I need to pick up groceries for me."

I watch her do exactly what she did yesterday and today I look where I hid the file.

Still thinking about everything that's happened in the last 24 hours I know that I need to know who… Alyssa really is, but can I do that too her.

I toss the file back into the hiding place and plop down on the couch with my head in my hands.

"Uta," when I hear her say my name I look up too see her in one of my tanks with bandages wrapped all around her.

"What is it?" I ask softly and void of emotions or at least I hope so.

"I was wondering the other day we never actually talked about what you meant when… we were basically confessing."

How is it that I feel like I have nothing going on, that everything isn't making any sense.

He looks at his hands for a bit before he says, "I can't. I can't betray Itori. You're her niece. Even though you're only a couple years younger than us."

"So what?" I shout as I grab his hands. "Do you have any feelings towards me?"

He looks over my face studying it as he nods his head, "I do."

"Then why not accept it. Uta, you maybe a ghoul, but you could never hurt me. We both know this. I don't know why, but Uta I have to be close to you. I have too have you too myself."

"So… what do we do about this?"

I smile as I pull his hands too my chest for her can feel my heartbeat, "Whatever we want."

I watch a small smile appears on his lips as it disappears.

I'm pulled to the couch where I simply curl up next to him tired as heck.

_Huh… why am I back here?_

_I look at the dark room with the cement walls and floors. Only strange jars, instruments, and machines decorate the room… Unless you count the cold metal tables that make it look like a mortgage._

_"Why am I here?" I scream as I try to move, but I can't._

_"Why can't I move?"_

_I feel the memories of being cut open while conscious flash through my eyes but not just that I can hear the sounds and feel everything like I did when I was strapped to the table._

_As if the feeling of the straps had done something I blink for a second and I'm standing then the next I'm strapped to the cold evil metal table._

_"What the fuck!"_

_I try to escape it using what I can, but nothing is working._

_"You can't escape from me this time, Alyssa. You are going to help me complete my work one way or another."_

_"Never, what you've done too human and ghouls is horrible. Now let me go! Let me go Now!"_

_As I scream something happens something that I didn't would happen. Sure I was told of the things he'd done and I've even read it, but for everything to work like that is odd._

I wake up when I hear something get smashed into the wall what I see makes me shocked.

I look at Uta and how he's across the room and had dented the wall and broke a few things.

"What happened?"

"Look at your body. Look in the window and you'll see."

* * *

**_Hey AlwaysDreaming95 here just thought I'd tell you I'm a bit addicted to this story and writing it, but I can't make promises that every update will be like this. So please be understanding if it starts taking a while_**


	8. The Truth About Myself Pt1

**The Truth About Myself Pt.1**

* * *

Your POV

I look at the window and scream at the sight of myself.

_"How could that be?"_

_"How what can be, sweetie?" I hear my mother ask me._

_"Mom, nothing. It's just a bad dream," I scream as I jump into her arms._

_Was all that I saw with mom being gone from my life the truth…? Who knows, but I hope so?_

_"Mommy there was a boy in the basement. He had really pretty eyes."_

_"Ahh… Someone helping your father?"_

_I look away from my mother shaking my head, "Then who?"_

_"Someone like me," I whispered._

_No! No, don't tell her. She'll go too check. She'll see what father actually does too spend time with me._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"It's nothing," I whisper again not wanting too look my mother in the eye._

_"Sweetie, what's wrong?"_

_I remember what happened too the boy and what father will do for punishing me for what happened. I let him go. I told him how to get out._

_"Honey," I hear my father say too mom and I flinch at the sound of his voice, "we'll be moving to a new house soon."_

_"What? Why? I really like this house."_

_"I know, love, but some things have come up and I need to move the lab further and they say the house comes with it." the entire time he's talking too mom he's glaring at me like I'm something dead._

_I sniffle a bit as I nod my head._

_"Alyssa, I need you too help me in the lab. Well be right back love."_

_I must do as he says. I must do as he says._

_I remember the mantra I made up when I was younger cause I was afraid for my mom. I was afraid that father would hurt her. I was a young child when mom was still alive. I never wore anything that showed off the wounds and scars I'd get from the experiments so mom wouldn't worry._

_As I'm dragged into the lab I see yet another ghoul child strapped to the metal bed._

_"Father… why is he here? You're not going to do so with mommy home?"_

_"Why would it matter? My work must be completed."_

_"NO!" I shout on top of my lungs seeing the young girl's face lurch up too look at me._

_"What did you just say?"_

_"NO! I'm tired of this. Mommy, says these kids are good kids. They're nice too me. I like them."_

_"Do you want to be one of them?"_

_I tilt my head as I look at him, "No, I'm happy with being myself and so should they. They shouldn't be ashamed of who they are."_

_I might be young, but I'm smart for my age. I've always known that too be the truth._

_I feel something hit my cheek and I'm thrown into the metal table on wheels with sharp objects on it. I hear something click on the ground. I look down to see that a blade had fallen and it cut a decent sized gash on top of my hand. I look at it blankly not feeling any pain. At least nothing like what father puts me through._

_I hear a scream making me look away from my hand that I had raised right too my face._

_"What the hell? Your daughter has a cut on her hand and you act as if it's nothing, what kind of father are you?"_

_"He doesn't care. He's a horrible person," I whisper before my mom reaches me._

_"Did you say something?"_

_I shake my head as I grab the knife that fell and throw it at the table hitting the strap that's holding the kid down the most breaking it._

_Since when have I been this good at throwing things?_

_My mother heard the impact then a shout of joy as the girl started to free herself, but it's too late. Father easily cut her head off in front of us both._

_"Alyssa, you shouldn't have done that. She would have lived longer."_

_"In pain," I say as I stand up grabbing a random bandage and wrap it around my hand._

_I leave the room not caring the silent threat that was yelled towards me. All I can say is I hear my father if you'll call him so and my mom having a screaming match._

_I don't care though. All i care about it forget forgetting all of this._

_"All of this is just a horrible nightmare," I whisper to myself like every night._

_We just moved the last of our things too the new house and I already hate it here. It smells bad. It smells of death. Death that's lurking in the shadows waiting to jump out for it's kill._

_Mom left for the day too try too meet someone not that I care._

_I lean back in my seat and wait for the madman I call father too show up and tell me that I need to be part of his next experiment._

_He doesn't show up today so I simply walk down to the basement to meet with a metal door that's securely locked._

_I touch the door when I howl of someone in pain._

_I run upstairs knowing just who it is. Anyone one human or ghoul in pain and put through what father puts them through is dangerous and I know better than to mess with them._

_Instead I sit and look out a window upstairs to see what seem to be CCG agents come and go._

_Though something seems wrong… I shouldn't be able to tell what they do for a living. Not really so why can I… Unless this is what I'm supposed to think ._

_I shrug as I hear the front door open and see father walk into the house giving me a now common glare._

_I shrug my shoulders not caring as long as I have mom. I don't care what this man tried to do. He'll just end up getting himself killed and one of us is the 1 there's not a big difference just we won't take the pleasure of doing so._

_Father left the house for the day leaving mom and me home alone._

_I don't care cause I get too curl up too her all day._

_Though we're in the farthest back room where there's simply a rocking bench covered in pillows._

_"Mommy, can we go out today?"_

_"Why?"_

_"Cause I feel like we shouldn't be here."_

_Please mommy listen to what I have to say._

_"Oh, don't be silly." At the very moment she says this there's a loud crash._

_I jump into a sitting position and I feel something on my back and it starts itching._

_"Sweetie, calm down. No matter what you have to push that feeling you're getting away."_

_"Why?"_

_"Just do so," she says loudly as she pushes me into the kitchen and then the closest._

_I'm about to say something when I hear shut the door._

_I thought she came in to, but I'm wrong when I hear her from behind the door say too me, "No matter what you're too stay silent. You're not too say anything at all."_

_I hear talking so I stay silent so I can hear them, but I get lost in my train of thought wondering why I have to stay in here._

_I'm snapped back into reality when I hear something crash and break._

_Then I smell something almost coppery like blood… How can I smell that through a door._

_I open the closet door slightly so I can see out of it and hear better._

_Though all I see is 10 ghouls with their kagune and kakugan showing as bright as day._

_My mom looks over at me and gives me a 'be-silent' look and I listen to her scared of what's going to happen._

_"Now… Now… Just tell us what you were going to say before?" says a ghoul as he crouches down grabbing mommy by the hair roughly._

_"Go to hell. I'm not going to tell you anything. Now drop dead."_

_I watch one kick mom in the stomach, "For crying out loud, just tell us or we'll get your little daughter. I think she's cowering in fear near by."_

_I watch as mom looks away from me and shouts, "Don't look. Look away, Alyssa."_

_I do as I'm told and i hear a scream of pain then a dull thud. I take a peek too see mom standing over a dead ghoul._

_Did she kill him? How did she kill him?_

_"Never threaten my daughter you low life ghouls. You can't even fight me. Someone who's been out of the game for how many years now. Fools."_

_I watch as she moves quickly using something an odd color to slice the ghouls' head clean off._

_Still there's too many for her. They soon realize that if they don't act they are good as dead. So they act and I watch one stab mommy in the gut with his kagune._

_She falls to the ground making the same dull thump as the 2 people did that she killed._

_I hear her whisper, "Be calm. Don't lose yourself to your emotions."_

_I'm not 100% sure what happened next. All I know is when I could see and remember what's happening again mom is on the floor still, the house is on fire, and there are now 3 bodies and 2 body limbs lying about the floor._

_Even though I have a feeling there's no way that I can say her I try too. I run over to her grabbing her arm, but as I do so I hear a creak of wood about to break. I look up too see a beam above us snap falling too where my hand is._

_I scream from the shock not from the pain._

_I simply shout for help until everything goes black._

_I wake up in the hospital to see a doctor and an older gentlemen whispering amongst each other._

_It takes a while for me to speak and the first thing I say is, "Where's mommy?"_

_I watch the two men look my way and a sad smile shows on the older gentleman's face._

_He walks over to me and takes my hand, "I'm sorry, but she's gone. There's something that I need to tell you though."_

_"What's that?" I ask with tears in my eyes._

_"Your mother loved you more than anything in the world. She hoped you'd have a normal life. When in truth you had nothing close to that."_

_I smile as I start crying and I hear the doctor mumble as he walks over to us, "Not even telling who whose blood we used for a transfusion. Though I won't put it into official reports or anything."_

_I sigh as I'm taken home and run through long and painful tests._

_Everyday I'm put through the same shit until one day he asks himself a question out loud, "Would I be able to attach kagune onto a human?"_

_He had spent the next few years killing ghouls taking Kagune then trying ways of putting them on a human. He was successful with all except kakuja's he couldn't get that too attach too me properly._

_There was an issue though I already had a kagune that is in the ukaku form._

_How could that be?_

_I'm not a ghoul I never had the need to eat human flesh. I never used ghoul powers before so why all of a sudden I'm a ghoul._

I open my eyes to see Uta, Itori, and 2 kids from the cafe.

The thing I notice the most is that they all are a bit ruffled up.

"What happened?"

I try to sit up only to be pushed back into the bed… couch.

Why am I on a couch?

* * *

**Sorry there was supposed to be paragraphs, but for some reason no matter how many times I edit this it won't even try keep them**


	9. The Truth About Myself Pt2

**The Truth About Myself Pt.2**

_Italics are flashbacks/memories_

* * *

Your POV

After opening my eyes to find myself in what I've been told is a back room at the cafe.

Uta had me taken here after I kind of trashed his apartment, a part I do not remember doing.

"So basically I had a nightmare, attacked Uta while in the nightmare, activated the kagune, and then trashed the place where you 3 were called there."

"Plus Yomo, Yoshimaru, and a few other helpful ghouls we know."

"What kind of bullshit is this?" I try to make it seem like I don't believe them, but I think Uta knows I'm lying.

"Alyssa, tell the truth."

I look at my hands, "Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning," Yoshimaru says as he walks into the room.

"Then you should call my grandfather here. Uta, you met him earlier."

"The Librarian."

I nod my head as I look at my hands, "Yes, he's my mother's father. I'm a quarter ghoul."

"A quarter?"

I nod my head silent as Yoshimaru calls grandfather up on the phone and he arrives.

"Hello, My name too ghouls is the Librarian. My granddaughter here calls me grandfather. Now I hear there is some questions on who she is."

Touka and Ken straight up ask, "Is she a one-eyed ghoul?"

"Not exactly she's even rarer. Alyssa here is a quarter ghoul whose body didn't recognize the genes for being a ghoul until her mother died. Seeing that activated her ghoul side. Though the problem with that is Alyssa has been known to black out when her ghoul traits are activated. I have always believed this too be because she saw her mother be killed then she herself killed someone. Making her not accept that side of herself. I've been watching over her for some time and I know that it's guilt that hides this side of her. She aims to help ghouls and herself."

"The kagune?"

I watch as grandfather looks at his hands in disgust, "That was done by her father. He had an obsession with trying to attach kagune too other beings. When he was successful he turned the kagune into kakuja as well."

I look away from everyone, "Say it I'm disgusting that's what everyone has said."

I feel someone grab my face making me look at them too see Uta's blank face, but caring eyes, "Why would we be disguised we've seen weird and accepted it as it is?"

"I'm a monster, I'm not human or ghoul. I'm worse than Ken. I know of my ghoul side and I know that there's some twisted things there."

"We all have things that we are ashamed of. We just have to accept it for what it is. This is what I've been telling you since you were young."

I smile as my grandfather walks too the couch that I'm still lying on.

"Grandfather, I know."

"You know what you did too those that killed your mother as a ghoul or at least an idea. Though you had left a message saying you know the truth and something that you can do."

"Yeah, kill the son of a bitch that hired them."

"You don't need more blood on your hands. Let us deal with it."

"Fine, if it'll keep you from freaking out any more. Plus I can't have another episode happen… Can I see what kind of mess I made?"

They seem confused for a bit not wanting to do so, but slowly agree. As we make it back too Uta's house I look around to see that it looks like a tornado destroyed it.

"I did all of this?"

Uta limps in, "Yeah… Your kagune activated and you started to scream and it was just that until I spoke too you. Your eyes went completely black not even a trim of red as you… attacked me."

"What were everyone's wounds?"

As I look around a memory flashes through my head.

_"Attack!" A man shouts in an army like voice._

_"Yes, sir," I shout as I attack a young man._

_"Suzuya, keep it up. Alyssa, what the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_"Sparring, sir."_

_"That does look like sparring. You are simply I'm not even sure what to call it. So I want you to stay in this room until you can do the moves I've been teaching you properly."_

_"Yes, sir."_

_I'm not even sure how old I was when this was happening, but I know it was during my transition into turning into what could be counted an oddity like a full ghoul._

_I don't remember how long I practiced until I went into what is called an episode or my berserk side._

_I remember destroying everything in that room like it was nothing. In a flick of a finger I created a crater in the wall that could create a nice lake if it was the floor. Destroying the practice dolls like they were nothing but paper. The targets were ripped from their places and torn like confetti._

_As I finished destroying the room Suzuya tried to enter but before he could see anything he was sent flying across the hallway outside of it._

_Our trainer had come in dn seen what happened, but since he knew me since I was a child he wasn't too surprised. He argued with Father many times and knew what he was planning, but he never thought he would actually try to do so._

_"Alyssa, your father had done this too you, hadn't he?" was all he asked._

_With those words I had transitioned back to my regular self with no memory of what had happened until now._

_My trainer/master had taught me most of what I know about fighting. He was training to be an agent much like my father was trained even though he works in a lab._

_So when he saw me he simply hugged me ignoring what I was doing to him, because in his mind I was like a niece or even a daughter._

I shake my head a bit and look at Uta as I smile, "I know an agent that might be able to help me. At least getting those people off our back."

"What who?"

"His name is Toki at least that's what we called him when he wasn't my master in training. He had found out my secret and never turned me in. I'd like to see if I can find him."

Everyone looks at me shocked, "A CCG Agent knows about you and hasn't killed you or sent you too a lab?"

I nod my head, "Yes, he's thought of me as a daughter or niece so it makes sense too why he wouldn't."

"Still aren't you scared that he's part of them and knows your secret?"

"Sure, but I know he won't give it up easily. I mean he never told the kid I threw across the room that day what had happened."

The subject seems to be dropped and grandfather seemed to go searching for Toki.

I really wish too see him again if possible he was like a father to me, a man I could look up to. Yet shortly after he found out he disappeared from the face of the earth and that scares me, but I know that somehow he's look after me.

It's been a few days since I've told everyone my little secret mostly cause I had too, but too think that recently I've been having flashbacks of my episodes and remembering everything that had happened. All times I only attacked objects that were living unless they were a threat to me or to other living things. Like once I killed a few ghouls caused they were attacking a helpless group of girls and another time I harmed a group of regular humans cause they were trying to start a turf war. There have been episodes where I blacked out cause my ghoul side was hungry so my mind would block it out so I owe Uta a new jar of eyes for that. The one memory I want too remember I can't seem to grab a hold of it long enough to see it and recall it.

"Alyssa, I'm back," I hear Uta call out to me.

It's something he's started to do after we moved into another apartment parallel to his old one at least until his original is renovated back to its once glory. My research documents have been moved to the Anteiku for safe keeping. Though I do have copies of everything on a flashdrive that I use on a computer that will never be connected to the internet for safety issues.

"Uta, how was your day?"

"Good are you hungry?" he sounds a bit off like he's dancing around an issue.

"Yeah."

"What do you feel like eating?"

My mind just screams you, but I know that Uta won't look at me in that kind of way after finding out who I really am… what I really am.

"Uta, I know you hate me asking this, but don't I disgust you."

"Nope, not at all. Instead I find you even more beautiful. Your hopes and dreams even make more sense. Yet you still find yourself too be revolting. I find you too be beautiful even with you kagune activated."

"I'm scary though aren't I after seeing a large extent of my power."

"You were a bit, but I could tell you were more scared than anything. You were like a scared animal trying to escape, but we got in the way scared if someone saw you."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, you're still you when you're a ghoul… you're just scared especially when you see yourself with your kagune activated."

I nod my head, "I remember seeing glimpses in all my memories of myself and how scared I would feel. I never wanted anyone to know cause if I"m scared of it what if those i love are as well."

"Am I on that list?"

I can't always tell when he's serious or joking cause well Uta is good at keeping a perfect poker face, but I know the look his eyes will show.

"Uta tell me the truth learning the truth about who I am… it doesn't disgust you?"

"Nope, cause it doesn't change who you are," once again he answers in his bored monotone voice and blank face, but his eyes show something close too love.

I smile as I look into Uta's eyes letting him see my relief and love, "I'm glad."

I kiss him and didn't expect such an untamed outcome.

I feel Uta start to lose his control as he pushes me against the wall and our kiss becomes passionate, but some idiot had too break it up, "Uta-san, Alyssa-san I have some news for you. Yoshimura and Alyssa's grandfather found that Toki guy, but also figured something else out as well."

What is that supposed to mean?

* * *

_**Sorry for some reason there are no paragraphs **_


	10. My 'Father'

**My 'Father'!**

_Italics are flashbacks_

* * *

Your POV

"Uta-san, Alyssa-san I have some news for you. Yoshimura and Alyssa's grandfather found that Toki guy, but also figured something else out as well."

What is that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean?"

"Yoshimura and your grandfather will explain, now will you open up."

I look up at Uta and both of us sigh as we pull apart. I look over his clothing and try not to laugh. His eyes show a hint of playfulness in his eyes and I look down too see my shirt is barely hanging on my shoulders only my bra is keeping me covered. He moves his hand too my stomach and I giggle as I pull away from him or at least try to .

"Uta stop it Ken-chan is outside this door," I whisper.

He gives me a smirk as he moves his fingers around my waist, "Only if you promise to continue later."

"Of course I promise we'll continue this," I angrily whisper too the idiot.

"Okay then let's go."

I nod my head as I correct myself and push Uta out of the apartment and I think I hit the Ken kid with the door too the apartment. Though that was a good laugh that mostly I openly enjoyed. Though I could see Uta laughing through his eyes probably cause he thinks the kid deserves it. He kind of does picking that moment too ruin for us.

As we walk into the Anteiku and too the back rooms no one seems to mind us any mind. I smile as I see my grandfather, but I keep too my place holding Uta's arm at the door.

"Alyssa, I think you need to have a seat." Yoshimura tells me motioning towards the couch.

"Why?"

"Just sit down, please," my grandfather reasons.

I simply listen too my grandfather knowing that it'd be better if I didn't disobey him.

"Alyssa, we'd like to run some tests but we have the right to believe that your father isn't your biological one."

"I look like him," I try to reason in an upset voice.

"True, but he has a brother who works for the CCG."

"Yeah and…"

"And during the time of your mother's conception date your father wasn't anywhere in the vicinity, but his brother was."

"That would be?"

"You can come in," Grandfather shouts.

After he does a older looking Toki walks into the room rubbing his arm and I don't know what to say or do.

"Ummm…. this is some kind of joke right. Get me all excited then knock me down or something."

I watch as Toki sit down and shakes his head, "No, I think they're right. Your mother and I were sneaking behind your father's back. After she found out she was pregnant she talked to me. I told her that my brother couldn't have children not that he'd remember or anything of a small accident when we were kids."

"You're not that old."

"I'm 40 sweetie old enough to have a kid your age. Plus your mother was only 2 years older than me."

"So you're saying that you might be my father, but we can't do a blood test cause your brother's with my father… Is any of this making sense."

"It's not uncommon for things like this too happen."

I nod my head as I lean back, "Why did you leave me with the lunatic if you are my biological dad?"

"Cause he was crazy and threatened you and your mother's lives that if I came back he'd kill you two. When I realized I was more scary it was too late for the both of you and there wasn't a way for I could get you 2 too leave. I couldn't even get you to."

"You knew what he was doing?"

"Well yeah my brother is crazy I always imagined the worse especially when I heard he has asked about attacking kagune too human subjects."

"What do you feel about me becoming a ghoul? The bastard tried to kill me on several occasions before I left."

"It's not like it's a choice."

"Then why hunt ghouls all those years. I get some kill humans, but if there was a way to find it so they can survive then no one would have to die."

"I can see that, but you have to understand we saw our parents ripped to shreds but a binge eater ghoul. She enjoyed it and made us watch. I simply hated ghouls believing they were all the same. My brother on the other hand seemed to become obsessed almost like it was pure disgust or even admiration. No one thought too give him a proper psych eval."

"Well it's hard to do that for a kid that wouldn't talk until he was 19. Plus he's a master at manipulation so not like they'd see a complete problem."

"You know have the skills of manipulation that he has?" I wait for a second before I scream, "Psychopaths. Deranged killers. Are you kidding me no one would notice. He enjoyed killing both human and ghoul it never mattered to him. He claimed it was in science, but it was too get his rocks off."

They look at me in horror and I simply grip Uta's hand tightly trying not to harm him.

I watch as this man that was my trainer and I find out that he's not my uncle, but my father.

"How am I supposed to believe this?"

"Your father medical records that he hasn't even seen since our parents hid it well from him."

"And they're not fakes, but either way I'm related too a mad man who would like me to be tied to a metal operating table for he can run experiments on me. So it doesn't matter too me, but what I need help is finding the mad man too stop him."

"I don't think he knows about my mother completely and Id like to stop him before he can harm any more humans or ghouls."

I watch as this man, that claims is my father and not apparently my uncle, stares at me.

"What?"

"Will you kill a man that you have believed is your father for all these years?"

"Hell yea, this man tortured me for how many years along with other humans and ghouls. My boyfriend was one of them."

Uta takes my hand pulling me down too the couch as he says, "What she is trying to say wouldn't you want to kill the person who tormented you for years in reality and dreams?"

Wow… Uta is being reasonable and trying too help me.

"I might be more open too ghouls, but you Peacekeeper I could careless. You still are nothing but a murder."

I sigh as I push him away from Uta, "So am I. I've killed entire families I will have no issues with anymore. Also you will not speak with."

Uta stands up as he looks at him, "You say that while I have killed both of my kind and yours, just like you had done as well. So don't be a hypocrite and climb down your high horse. Plus your daughter has no problems being with a murdering Peacekeeper like me."

I'm shocked that Uta has been speaking this much for someone else and not more so for himself… Though with his he said that I think he wanted too see my 'father's' reaction.

"What?"

"Boyfriend… you know kissing, sharing beds together, and all that."

Wow, he seriously said that too my father….

I watch as he goes for his throat and I throw him across the room using one of my kagune. I know my eyes are black with the red and I'm controlling only 1, but to do this without blacking out is a plus for me.

"You knew that your daughter is part ghoul, yet you protected her claiming all the 'accidents' during training were you pushing us far too hard, but that wasn't the truth was it."

"No, you would lose control is put under too much pressure especially if you got angry. That's why I sent you away to work with your emotions before i left too try to find a way to help you."

"To tell you… dad. I did go through the trainings and got in control, but when the blackouts happened I'd lose control. So tell me this, why not just help me accept who I am."

"Cause I know what happened to your mother. I say it. There was a security feed in the house and it recorded her death and after. You even destroyed it after chasing the attackers off. I saw what it had done too you. You would have been fine if your mother lived, but there was no way for a child your age could have been able to save her from these episodes."

"You didn't say anything about me being with a ghoul?"

"I have my issues, but personally I can't say much about it. How your mother survived for so long is a mystery I'd like to know?"

"I know me as well if I could figure it out then I can help all of us. Ghouls have fallen in love with humans and if we could create something humans could eat as well that is nutritious towards maybe the mother and baby will survive. How did my mother survive?"

_"Daddy, did you ever do anything like this with mommy?"_

_"No, sweetie you're special and I need to see why."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You have special skills that no other human has and I want to try to refine that and see differences."_

"He knew about things I could do using a small bit of my ghoul blood before it was activated, but he didn't know where they came from. If he knew I was a ghoul he probably would have killed me."

"Could my mother do things other humans couldn't and you guys knew of it?"

"Yeah, though we didn't think much of it. At least I didn't."

"Was she pregnant with me before or after they were married?"

"Before… Where are you going with this?"

"He knew it wasn't his child. He was wondering if it was in her genetics. I believe he had loved my mother, but too know the woman you loved had become pregnant with your brother's child must have hurt him. I think hurting me was a way to get back at your 2. Though he also wanted to try to find out how we could do what we could. There are humans who have many ghoul traits think of Rei-chan for a moment. He has speed and agility that of a ghoul from years living under one's rule."

"True, though there are many things we don't know about that child."

"Whatever, I guess. I'm out of here. Uta, let's go."

My boyfriend nods his head as he looks at my hands, "You know you can take those off."

"Yeah, but I'm not ready to see them. Not out in the open."

"Yeah, but you can show your father yet another thing that is his fault."

Uta's right since I had gloves covering my hands while I was training under the CCG until my 'father' had sent me away.

"True, but using wounds I got to try to save my mother's life is none of his business since he didn't seem too try to do anything for her."

I walk out of the room not turning back as I look up too spot someone I believe to be in Aogiri a nice group of ghouls that think I'm human and kind of beat the living heck out of them.

My stomach growls and I feel hunger and not the type I get for human food.

"Uta… We have more eyeballs and such at home right?"

* * *

_**Sorry for some reason there are no paragraphs **_


	11. Where do We Stand?

Your POV

As I'm picking at the eyeballs no longer hungry, like I was before we were back home.

"Hey, are we going to finish what we started?"

I look at him and smile as I poke at yet another eyeball, "Did you really say that after what happened barely an hour ago?"

He looks down and I see pure hurt on his face, "I was just hoping I could cheer you up or draw your attention away from."

"Yeah, well don't worry about that Uta. I'll deal with it."

"You'll deal with it. You just found out the man that you believed to be your father was just your uncle. Your father is the man you believed to be your uncle and trainer. Maybe he chose to train you was too help hide your secret. He was trying to protect you after finding out that his daughter was being harmed by his brother. If anything just team up with this man to kill the man that had tormented you all these years."

"Still what of my mother? Did she not deserve help? Did she deserve to die in such a way? No Ghoul or human that was like her deserved what was handed to her after she met that man."

"Your biological father met your mother through your 'father' so wouldn't you not have been born if that was so."

"If mother would be alive and happy then so be it. She deserved a whole lot more in life than what was given to her."

I watch as Uta looks down as he nods his head, "I hardly remember her it was over 12 years ago so I wouldn't remember much about her."

"Uta… you were just a kid as was I, but be happy with what good memories you have of your childhood. They might end up all you have of good times."

"Why talk of such am I not a good memory?"

"Uta… that's not what I mean. I mean when you're all alone and the past comes knocking, you will only let the good happy things in or else you'll die or go insane."

He looks away from me as he seems to be thinking of something. I know of his past, but none of it matters to me. Everything he's done and has been done makes him who he is. Sadly it's the same on my end as well."

"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself."

I look over at Uta surprised he knows this quote.

"True… Still trying to rise is a lot harder than it seems."

"True, but is it better to let yourself fall?"

I look over at him and sigh as I lean back in my chair as I look him in the eye.

"Is there something wrong with the way I am?"

"Of course not, but you act like there is," he tells me with his blank face, but I still see a hint of worry in his eyes.

I look at him as I think of what he said and I know he's right on this. I do act like there's something wrong with who I am…. because I know what I've done in my past.

"Don't think badly of yourself when it's something that can't be helped. You are protective over your mother that' why all of those things had happened. You loved your mother more than anything she was your sanity. So if you lose yourself again please lean on me whenever you need somebody."

I smile as I walk over to his side of the table and sit on his lap leaning my head against his chest.

"You know what to say too make a girl feel special. Thank you, Uta. I love you."

He smiles at me slightly as he kisses my forehead. We sit there like that for a while and nothing seems to happen. I sigh as I feel my boyfriend wrap his arms around my waist as he pulls me more into him. I can't help, but to laugh as he does so.

"Uta, what is your plan for right now?"

He raises his eyebrow as if he's asking what I mean.

I smile as I wrap my arms around his neck, "Well I mean between us. Are you going to treat me differently knowing random bits of my past like that?"

"Of course not. I love you for who you all in the long run. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past as long as you'll love me in the future."

I smile as I kiss him on the lips smiling happily, "I knew there was a reason I loved you, Uta."

He kisses me back and I almost giggle as he slips his hands into the side of my shirt just too try to tickle me. I jump off his lap and run too the kitchen.

"No tickling that's just cheating."

"Ohhhh, come on love. You know you loved it," he teases me back.

I smile as I start a chase between the two of us around the apartment. It's just a playful game of cat and mouse until he seems to lose his patience and tackles me too the floor. He holds my arms down above my head and stares at me straight in the eyes as if there's some secret he's trying to unlock.

"You can't read my mind through my eyes, Uta," I tell him as I slip one of my hands free and place it on his cheek.

"You're wrong there. I can read the love and trust you have for me, but you still are hiding something from me. Alyssa, what could that possibly be?"

"It's nothing, Uta." He looks sceptical too believe that and I can't help but too let out a begging tone, "Please, Uta believe me."

He sighs as he nods his head, "Alyssa, we need to go back and eat. You haven't' eaten a proper meal for a while."

I sigh knowing he's right, but wonder what kind of food I'm really hungry for.

It's been a few days since everything happened and I officially met my biological father and I've outed myself as a ghoul or at least half ghoul.

I'm sitting on the couch staring at a small drawing that Uta had made of me. I stare at the girl who's smiling all happily holding a bouquet of heathers, hundred leveled roses, and gloxinia. I'm also wearing a dress that I showed it that I had drawn up for a small even that my aunt it supposed to hold in a couple of days.

"I have the dress made by a friend of mine," Uta tells me as he sneaks up behind me.

"Thanks, Uta. Do I get too go and help them make it?"

"Yeah, if you'd like. Though I didn't know you could sew or design like this?"

"My mom taught me. She taught me how to sew and make dresses when I was rather young. She'd make most of my clothing when I was a kid. They were really cute."

"Do you have any pictures?"

"I have a few left. Why would you want to see them?"

"They're part of your life. If I had any pictures from when I was a kid I'd love to show you."

"So are we…"

"You know the answer to that. I'll tell you as many times as you wish. I love you and I wish that we'll be together for as long as possible."

I smile as I lean against him, "Alright. Uta, come sit by me."

I watch as he smiles sweetly over at me an almost uncharacter move at least too the people that don't know him like I do.

He sits down next to me and I throw my legs up on his lap and he seemly starts doodling again.

"Do you always have to be drawing?"

"Hey, it's like you and your reading in your freetime."

I chuckle as I open the folder looking at yet another formula that I need to try out too try to help Uta… if he'd like it.

"Uta, are you alright with how we are? We're still in hiding about our relationship cause neither of us can be in public together?"

"It bothers me and I always wondered if you had problems being in public with me as I am?"

"Of course not Uta. I'm not one to judge I walk around with something covering most of my body cause I hate my scars so much."

"It only bothers me that you think that it mars your beauty. In my mind you are one definition of beauty."

I smile as I lean towards him placing my hand on his cheek, "That's only in your mind, but hearing so it alright with me. It' the same with your eyes, but the problem is everyone these days knows what red and black eyes are all about. I worry about what people would try to do something. I can't possibly let that happen."


	12. Author's Comment- Read if You Will

Hey Everyone it's always dreaming. I want to post about how I'm sorry about not posting for awhile. I'm trying to get back into my stories, but I had a small break in my depression while I was working. I had quit the place I was working at because I was moving for school. I have some free time so i'll try to write up what i can. I can't make any promises of what I'll get back to and when though i want to try my writing is what makes me feel better. So give me a bit of time and I'll get what I can written up and posted. If anything leave comments of what you think of my work. Thank you and good night.


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